Fictional People

If you see someone unable to boil a kettle, open a sash window or understand he has an appalling haircut, it probably means he's fictional. -Jasper Fforde, One of Our Thursdays is Missing

Alternative Energy Source

"Splendid! I just had an idea for a cheap form of power: by bringing pasta and antipasta together, we could be looking at the utter annihilation of ravioli and the liberation of vast quantities of energy. I safely predict that an average-size cannelloni would be able to power Swindon for over a year. Mind you, I could be wrong."

-Jasper Fforde, Thursday Next: First Among Sequels, 18.

Tongue Twister

IRRELEVANT BENEVOLENT ELEPHANT

-Jasper Fforde, The Well of Lost Plots, 144.

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I think this would be a perfect band and/or blog-name...

Kafka

"But this is preposterous!" shouted Hopkins as he was dragged away.

"No," replied the Magistrate, "this is Kafka."

-Jasper Fforde, Lost in a Good Book, 198.

Welcome to Jurisfiction

"Please," said a voice close by, "draw me a sheep!"

I looked down to see a young boy of no more than ten. He had curly golden locks and stared at me with an intensity that was, to say the least, unnerving.

"Please," he repeated, "draw me a sheep."

"You had better do as he asks," said a familiar voice close by. "Once he starts on you he'll never let it go."

It was Miss Havisham. I dutifully drew the best sheep I could and handed the result to the boy, who walked away, very satisfied with the result.

"Welcome to Jurisfiction," said Miss Havisham...

-Jasper Fforde, Lost in a Good Book, 285.